Hello. This is me. Or at least, this is how I see myself these days, as a body in need of repair, or at least of a tune-up.
Because there must be something wrong.
One doesn’t wake up and feel the way I feel every day and then there is nothing wrong with him/her. Or maybe there isn’t, but to reach this conclusion, one must first investigate.
And that’s where phone calls and numerous trips to various doctors come in the picture. If there is one thing that I am is thorough. But all jokes aside, medical testing is really an important step in the fight against panic.
There is no point in trying to calm yourself down from scary palpitations if in the back of your mind you are worrying about maybe having a heart attack. If you don’t know in which shape your heart is at the moment, how can you say with all certainty that it’s not your heart but just panic? You can’t. I mean you can tell yourself that you’re not having a heart attack, but will you believe yourself? I wouldn’t. At least not until a cardiologist has taken a listen and a good look at it and told me that my heart is healthy. Then it will be much easier for me to calm myself down and convince myself that I’m not having a heart attack.
But it could very well be my lungs!
Off to the pulmonologist I go…
Even the great Claire Weekes always suggested that before reading any further into her books one needed to have seen a doctor(s) to make sure her problem was just “nerves”.
So let’s go through my visits as I list them here, until the day I finally feel confident that there is nothing physical that is causing me fatigue and dizziness and this overall feeling of blah that I am hating so much. And don’t worry, this won’t take long, as I have already seen some doctors, and schedule the remaining ones to see them very soon.
Neurologist:
Everything seems fine here. EEG tests have confirmed good working nerves and MRI of the brain was clean.
Ophthalmologist:
Healthy eyes. Optical nerve healthy. Retina healthy. Any visual disturbances I’ve been complaining of shouldn’t be of neurological nature, but due to either anxiety or getting older. I also probably need reading glasses. Yay! Not.
Cardiologist:
EKG was good. Doc thinks it’s only anxiety. Heart seems to be doing ok. I still need to call him for Echo results.
Ob/Gyn:
Not great news here, but I hope not horrible neither. I have a cyst we need to keep an eye on, and I surprise myself at the fact that I have not freaked out over this yet (they’ve told me not to worry, it’s somewhat normal). Another appointment in 8 weeks.
Endocrinologist:
Will see him soon.
Urologist:
Will see him soon. I know there is an infection there that needs to be cured.
Pulmonologist:
Will see him soon.
I’m am not ashamed by the long list of doctors I want to see. If this is what’s going to help me in my battle against panic, and in general, to feel better, then, I’m actually proud of myself.
What is the opposite, anyway? Someone that never goes to doctors, no matter the symptoms, only to discover one day that a little prevention would have saved him/her much more testing and money, and who knows, even his/her life.
I rather prevent.
Medication
